Y2K Recs
I read shit so you don't have to
You can thank me later, after you've read some of the terrible fic that's out there. Trust me, I know what's good for you.

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Jane Mortimer's The Same Everywhere is Mulder/Krycek, but the Lone Gunmen have supporting roles. No geeklove, alas, but the hot, hot, HOT sex between Mulder and Krycek makes up for it. The summary at MKRA says "oilien love", but it's so much more. Trust me; I've read the bad oilien stories, of which there are many. This is the good one. [XF, sex, alien possession]

She also writes Truth or Dare, something I didn't think I'd ever find again. If anyone actually *needs* an excuse for Krycek to take advantage of Mulder in a Russian gulag, a game of dirty truth-or-dare is just the thing. [XF, sex, cold soup]

I found two non-slash stories on a Post-Invasion X-Files site. I'm not gonna give you the url for the site, because the rest of it is crap. But these two stories are short and funny, and I really like the concept, even if the execution is a touch awkward. "All the Mulders" and "One of the Byers" by Alloway. [XF, clones, nosex, MSR]

And because I want you to laugh until it hurts:
A Man's Man by Halrloprillalar: Doggett/Skinner. Who's a manly man, huh? (WARNING: Do not read while drinking or eating. Do not read while coworkers or family members can overhear you. Do not, under any circumstances, read aloud.) [XF, humor, naked male insecurity]

Oooh, this is silly: Casting Couch by Halrloprillalar. Answers the question, "What are the slash writers going to do when the 'new' agent takes Mulder's place this season?" [XF, metafic, humor, nosex]

I just have to say that I'm still totally geeked about the new Lone Gunmen series coming up next year. I think they're the cutest group of guys... very funny and smart and nerdy, but not pathetic. They each have something to offer, you know?
I read some slash between Byers (the cuter, bearded one) and Krycek, and it's so sweet and hot and awkward and, and, and....
Well, here you go.

Start with Torch's Forlorn Hope series here. [XF, unusual location, sex] I especially like "Under Cover" and "Sheltered Life". Krycek is so mischievous, but Byers holds his ground. Has one of my all-time favorite lines from a slash story: "I'm horny, why don't you have a drink?"

Then try Spike's John series here, [XF, bondage, geekery, sex] followed by Jessica Harris' Rain, which is set in the same universe. These stories acknowledge the thing between Mulder and Krycek in a way that makes my stomach clench with symathetic tension.

If that's not enough for you, head on over to Unusual Suspects, a site of nothing but Lone Gunmen slash. There are some very funny parody-type stories there, and some sweet and touching stories as well..

Badfic extravaganza! When I say bad, I mean deliberately bad, but with humor in mind.

Melvin's Mauve Mansion of Manlove has a collection of stories by different authors, mostly Highlander and X-Files. Some are just bad, and not very funny. I can't bear to read deliberate spelling and grammatical errors; it hurts too much. However, Diary of a Horseman is absolutely hysterical. [HL, raping, pillaging, humor, crossover] Something of Interest is kinda hot. The fact that I find it more arousing than humorous probably says more about me than about the story. [XF, gunsex, videotape] "The Dream" and "Sewer Rat" are short Mulder/Krycek things. Kinda funny.

Bad Fanfic! No Biscuit! was created by The English Chick and Siubhan (of Sith Academy fame). It's a funny site, yes, but it's also terribly educational and helpful. (wait! come back! learning can be fun!). "My Dark Lover" had me rolling on the floor. I want you to read each and every footnote. It'll make it easier for you to recognize Mary Sues in future stories (but not in any of the stories on this page, thank you very much.)

I found this list of Phantom Menace stories that I made last year, when I was still reading such things. I'm not gonna bother with individual links for them all - do a search at the Master / Apprentice site, either by author or title. They're almost all Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan stories, with varying degrees of angst, romance, humor, and wild, force-driven monkey sex.

"Twilight Burning: Halo" by Rina and Destina Fortunato, "A Change of Place" by Keelywolfe, "A Bed Time Story" by Dark~Angel, "When Did You Know" by Dark~Angel, "Deviations" (and more) by Destina Fortunato, "Yes, Master" by James Walkswithwind, "A Jedi Never Surrenders" by Kaly and Taleyna, "A Lesson in Patience" by Kaly and Taleyna, "Lessons (Tie me up, tie me down)" by Xochiquetzl, "Surfacing: At First" by Yahtzee, misc humor by Alaric, "Send in the Clones" by Blarney Stone, "Qui-Gon's Lightsaber" by Blarney Stone, "Everyone Loves Yoda" by Siubhan, "A White Picket Fence" by Darth Eldritch and Wenkroy.

I've been thinking about the term "angst" as it's used to describe fanfic. I see it a lot, to describe depressing, morbid, unhappy, tense, regretful, or fearful emotions, including hurt feelings. I like some of these stories, and yet hate others. I think there's a problem with the word "angst" - I actually prefer "tragedy" for the type of story I like.

Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary says:
Angst: A feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.
Tragedy: A serious drama typically describing a conflict between the protagonist and a superior force (as destiny) and having a sorrowful or disastrous conclusion that excites pity or terror.

Angst is a severely over-used term for classifying fanfic. It's right up there with "hurt/comfort". It doesn't tell you much about the story, except that someone's gonna get hurt. With that in mind, I went back and reclassified most of the stories on this page from "angst" to "tragedy". I still might be wrong, but I think it's better than it was.

More death stories (not because you asked for them, but because I feel like posting them):
Souvenir by Cody Nelson. Mulder, Krycek and Clyde Bruckman's prediction. [XF, sex, death]
Swansong by Wax Jism. Do you ever think, "What would I do if I watched someone I loved die?" Krycek enacts revenge, the only emotion that is stronger than love. [XF, tragedy, torture, death, nosex]

More post-colonization and/or character death:
In the Bleak Midwinter (48k) by Torch addresses one of the questions that's much on my mind: How far would you go to insure your own survival? This story is a bit sad in a slow-moving, melancholy way. All the old tensions between Mulder and Krycek are left mostly unspoken, yet they drive the story to its inevitable conclusion. [XF, tragedy, uniform, cat food, death]

Torch says it was inspired by Fatherland by Leigh-Anne Childe (aka Anna) [XF, Mulder/Skinner, no character death], which I just read today. It's good enough, but I think Torch's story is better in all respects: writing style, vivid imagery, characterization. "Bleak Midwinter" also has a dark twist at the end which the inspiring piece lacks, and that's a surefire way to grab my attention.

I happened to find a nice Mulder/Skinner story by the same author, though: Thai, Game, Beginning is a cute and funny explanation of how they get together. [XF, nosex, giggling, televised sports]

I recently discovered two cute, playful, sexy, and nearly believable stories about Mulder and Krycek: Alley Trap and the sequel Blueberry Season, by AnneZo. There's definitely a common theme in M/K that says Krycek has always wanted Mulder, but Mulder has to be cajoled into admitting his desire for Krycek. It's nearly canon, that's how often it shows up. I happen to think it's more or less in character, because Mulder's so repressed and so caught up in his anger and his quest that he hardly notices other people.[Alley: XF, nosex, humor. Blueberry: XF, sex, angst, blueberries (duh!)]

Here are two Death-fics. That means a major character dies in the story. Don't read them if you don't want to.

Goldengrove Unleaving by Nonie Rider is short, beautiful and sad, about Krycek and Mulder. It's that time of year, where I live, so I went to the cemetery, sat underneath a massive ash tree, and watched the bright yellow leaves spiraling to the ground, singly and in clumps. The sky was a deep, thick blue, and it was one of the loveliest things I've ever seen. Then I read "Goldengrove Unleaving" again. I think that falling yellow leaves will always remind me of this story. (If you want to know about my other, inadvertent, mental Pavlovian response, ask me about using only one arm to go to the bathroom.) [XF, nosex, death, tragedy]

Habeas Corpus by Plausible Deniability is funny and sick, sick, SICK! I'm not kidding, this story has been described as "dead puppy humor." Mulder and Scully, no mention of Krycek at all, so it's not really slash. I nearly laughed out loud in my cubicle at work, over this one. If I'd been at home, I would have been guffawing. This is death not taken seriously. [XF, sex, death, humor]

I challenge you to find any of my recs at the Godawful Fanfiction Site. They list the baddest of the bad. Many are funny, but some are just bad. So bad they're not funny, anymore.

Here's my little piece on How Slash Changed My Life. It's short because I procrastinated and wrote it in the 40 minutes before I performed it. It's funny anyways because I'm a Fucking Genius (TM). I don't believe it stands up to repeated readings, though. Just read it aloud, once, and be done with it. Consider it a first draft or a work-in-progress.

October 4, 2000 (Methos Madness, part two: )

Highlander:Endgame sucked.
    There are no two ways around it. When I first heard about it, I was ambivalent. Then I heard that Methos (Peter Wingfield) was gonna be in it, and I was excited! Then I heard that Connor (Christopher Lambert) was gonna be in it, and I was annoyed. Then I read on imdb.com about the writer and director, and this dark, heavy, ugly thing settled in the pit of my belly. I had a BAD feeling about this movie, kids. I walked into the theater with a sense of dread hanging over my head, muttering, "This is gonna be bad, I can tell. It's gonna be terrible."
    I was right.
    But it has Methos. Nearly 10 minutes of Methos. And he checks out Duncan's ass not once, but twice, I swear! When Duncan walks up to Methos' house, my friend next to me, who has never seen the TV show, asked me, "Is that Duncan's boyfriend?" Yes, but that wasn't enough to make it better.
    Having two sections in the theater (appeared to be groups of women, but I can't be sure) spontaneously applaud when Peter Wingfield's name appeared in the intro credits, and again when he first appeared on screen, wasn't enough to make it better. Oy, I can only express my immense regret and lingering pain at having seen this movie.
    Since this is a links page, I'll leave it to the professionals to tell you exactly what's wrong with the movie:
Dumbass and the Fag     Ain't It Cool News

When you're done with that, read some more Methos slash. Last time, I posted a bunch of Methos/Mulder crossovers. This time I've got some Methos/Krycek to share with you.

"Something Wicked" by Torch, which plays up the "bad boy" image of each of them. I like the undressing part, where they both try to hide the fact that they've got concealed weapons. [XF/HL, sex, angst, Italian]
Some snippets by Sleeps With Coyotes (Ladonna): A True Friend: Fresh from the silo, Alex recuperates with a true friend. Warm Thoughts: SillyDrunken!Krycek meets BeatlesSinging!Methos at Joe's for a little vodka and sympathy. Heaven and Earth: Sequel to "Warm Thoughts": Methos comes home to a not-quite empty apartment. [XF/HL, notmuchsex, humor]

Last night I was watching songvids with my friend Shannon, and I was reminded of how much I like Kronos (bad boy extraordinaire) from Highlander. Having never seen an actual episode of Highlander, my perception of the characters was based entirely on fanfic and still photo until I saw some songvids. First, stills don't do Kronos justice. He's very animated and intense in the clips I saw, and it changes the way he looks. Second, the clips that I saw make it ABSOLUTELY clear that Methos is Kronos' bitch. Now, I understand that, with selective editing, one can give almost any impression one wants. I'm still convinced. The clips were long enough, and Kronos was... hurting Methos, who was... suffering so beautifully and so passively.

If you like this sort of thing, read "Everything Dies", one of Sleeps With Coyotes' crossovers on her Blood, Love, and Rhetoric page. The tagline for the first part says, "Alex Krycek is sent to take care of one Melvin Koren - but the target just won't stay dead." It's got blood and suffering and blood and suffering and suffering and blood and sex. Methos/Kronos/Krycek. [XF/HL, sex, violence, questionable consensuality]

Amy wrote a series of Mulder/Krycek short-short stories called Bits and Pieces. They're just so cute and hot and, and... Well, I've read through them twice, already. (Three times, now.) Phone sex, mysterious packages from a (not so) secret admirer. Kinda romantic, actually, and Krycek's a terrible tease. [XF, seduction, sex, humor, lingerie] Amy's written for many fandoms; here's her main page, the Multifandom Merry-Go-Round. Her rants are pretty funny, and I seem to recall that her Once A Thief stories were fun.

Valeria's Fan Fiction FAQ: Or, the Interview I Never Gave (broken link) lays it all on the line. She's got a great sense of humor. If you like that, you might like some of her fiction. Here's the top of her page, This Side of Paradise.

Someone recently asked on a slash list for some Highlander links. I'm a big fan of Methos, but I'm easily annoyed by Duncan. It's that whole Boy Scout thing of his. So, here are some stories with Methos and Mulder.

I love torch's story China, about Methos and Mulder (300k). Mulder and Scully investigate an X-File in a small town where Methos just happens to be stranded. It has all kinds of Methos Adorableness, and an actual plot, too. Hell, I like all of torch's stuff. Here's her Highlander page. [XF/HL, plot, sex, devil goat]

also, Mulder en Brochette by A. Leigh-Anne Childe. This one is short and sweet. Methos spouts ancient languages, and Mulder gets pouty, and good sex is had by all. [XF/HL, sex, Latin]

also also, Rapture by Wombat. Long and involved. I go back and forth about this one, because parts of it held my interest more than others. Actually, most of the plot left me cold. It's Mulder's interactions with Methos that I kinda like. And the sex. My favorite bit is chapter 2. And chapter 6 has some good back-n-forth between Mulder and Krycek, but doesn't have much Methos. [XF/HL, sex, flashback (first time), evil plot to destroy the world]

Bindlestitch is my new favorite home. What a great group of people. Sick, sick, sick, but also very open and accepting about any and every perversion known to fandom (and a few yet undiscovered). It's Due South slash, all combinations, categorized for your reading pleasure. Take a tour through the site and check out the photo captions. They're funny.

Wax Jism's page is awesome. It looks great, and the stories are fantastic. You MUST read the Krycek/Oz crossovers (click on "futility") That's Oz from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Krycek's been sent to Sunnydale to retrieve a supposed werewolf. Bittersweet, but I like that kind of thing. [XF/BtVS, plot, tragedy, sex, enhanced senses]

• Bulletins From Bedlam by Jessica Harris.   Mulder/Krycek before, during, and after alien colonization of Earth. Dark. I re-read it, and the related stories, from time to time. This is probably my favorite Mulder/Krycek story, ever. It's all about crazy, as I said to a friend of mine. Mulder goes mad, and Krycek sticks by him. Do read the related Sidebars on her site, Trust and Ghosts. [XF, plot, tragedy, insanity, hardlyanysex]
• Russian Roulette by torch.   Mulder/Krycek in Russia, before the Bad Things happen to them. This story contains the inspiration for my current role-playing character, believe it or not. [XF, sex, gambling, Russian, first time]
• Affirmations By Viridian5.   Mulder/Krycek, based on some "affirmations" that are making the rounds via e-mail. If you've ever wanted to kick the shit outta a bar full of rednecks, this story is for you. I laughed out loud at it. [XF, sex, humor, singing]
  • 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
  • 5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
  • 11. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
• Under Cover by torch.   Krycek/Byers very early on. Short and sweet and funny. The sequel Sheltered Life is from the other point of view, and it contains one of my favorite lines, "I'm really horny, why don't you have a drink?" [XF, humor, first time, sex, tarp]
• A Dark And Angry God Arises by Mercutio.   Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Anakin's point of view. Short and dark parody. [TPM, nosex, angst, humor, innuendo]
• Jedi at the Gate by Chat Noir.   Hysterical short parody set at the end of Phantom Menace, when they're trapped between the energy gates. [TPM, nosex, humor, innuendo]

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